Feminist version of sex

For arguments sake let's define sex as exchanging bodily fluids between a Man and a Woman even though a feminist would prefer the feel of her girlfriends hairy lips next to hers.

Before coitus takes place there has to be a few boundaries and stipulations otherwise unwanted contact has taken place.

Getting it down on paper so that it's above board and legal (Married sex expectees included) This assures the feminist that she hasn't been coerced or convinced that sex is what she wanted, or that she is having sex just out of duty or pity.

That's the paperwork out of the way, now let's get down to the filthy act itself.

No lights on at anytime during the degrading act of squidgy squidgy. A feminist is at her most vulnerable when she's impaled on a chaps thingumybob and any act of watching is contrary to the contract, thus negating that contract and hence rape ensues.

No making funny sex noises. Sex noises turn a feminists stomach and she may be liable to stop her partner mid thrust initialising the phone 999 prerogative. Also noises may constitute enjoyment and any acid faced sheman would consider this a compromisation of her ethics.

No sexual position other than the recognised "Missionary" where the feminist can keep a close cautious eye on the penetrator, any twitch or smile that gives away pleasure instead of bilious scorn for the act is heavily regarded as rape and entrapment.

No man must have a penis larger than her clitoris. This prevents full penetration unless the feminist is the masturbatory kind who has a chuff as big as a wizards sleeve and pipework akin to the Panama canal.

Washing the stink of vileness from your bodies eradicating any signs of the deed away is a must, this must be done within 1 minute of spunk spasm. If the said jolly juice touches any part of said feminazi it can be used in any resulting court case.

If the rules of engagement are not to your taste?

Pick any one of the 99.9% of NORMAL ladies who are as healthy as you are.